Single Guy From Adelaide

Does this sound like you, or someone you know? Please read on.

WHO AM I?

I'm an INTJ, "The Architect". These Myers-Briggs personality types aren't scientifically sound, but people like them.

I'm an outgoing, entertaining, and positive person. I love to make people laugh. My sense of humour might be my best feature, though I know I don't convey it in this profile.

I'm a very interesting character, but a normal and sensible person where it matters. I'm not secretly some awkward weirdo who no-one wants, or someone who has social problems. I've had more than my fair share of interest from women in my social circles, if that's any gauge. Most of my friends are women.

I like to talk about things bigger than day-to-day life, rather than engage in gossip about people or local events. I'm particularly interested in history, linguistics, and biology. I speak French.

I'm always busy creating something, or learning something new. My board game design career has been very successful so far, so I'm always working on a new game. That's how I spend a lot of my time. Creating fun for people is a very interesting challenge.

I'm a bit of a gardener, but I don't actually have a garden here. I do, however, have twenty different fruit trees on my front balcony. I have peaches and mangoes, and more unusual things like feijoas and loquats, and things no one's ever heard of like abiu, ice cream beans, and Panama berries. It's nice to see them grow, even though it's probably more work than it's worth.

Like everyone, I have downsides. I'm a good person and I try to improve myself, so I don't have any big negatives, or anything I think will unduly impact a relationship. Probably my biggest negative, as people have mentioned it to me, is that I'm very blunt. I just tell people exactly what I think, and that's often not a good thing. Very little impresses me, so I stick with the things I'm comfortable with – people, restaurants, interests, and the like. Don't try to take me to the opera. :) I'm also not at all concerned with tradition or societal norms. I do things no one else tries to do, and I do them until they're complete. This has been my greatest strength, and has made me wildly successful at most things I do. However, it also leads me across all kinds of rocky terrain – like this crazy search you're reading now, that's grown to consume far too much time, money, and reputation. I don't think I'll ever stop trying big projects, and being with me is not going to be a typical life.

What kind of a partner would I be? I don't know. I can only really look at the relationships I have with others. I've sorted out my own world now (with the exception of not having found a partner), and I spend a lot of time helping the people around me. It might just be running Scrabble clubs for people, or something insignificant. But I'm also helping all kinds of people who have very different crises in their lives. There's someone in every family who does that, and that person is me.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

Most of all, I'm looking for someone who's mature and thoughtful, and expects to give and get a lot from a relationship. I'd love to have someone who's educated and informed, and very much wants to connect on an intellectual level. I value ambition and drive in other people, and the desire for self-improvement, but these things aren't requirements. I'm a very positive and outgoing person, and I most enjoy the company of positive, cheerful people. None of this is a requirement, however. Anyone can contact me.

I'm absolutely not looking for someone impulsive, vulgar, or lazy.

I'm not religious. I don't mind what you believe, but I don't think it would be wise for me to try to make things work with a partner who is strongly religious. If you're religious, but your beliefs aren't set in stone, or they're just not an important part of your daily life and thoughts, that would probably be fine. I'll leave this up to you.

I'm not expecting a supermodel, but I'd like to find someone who's at least average-looking.

EXPERIENCE

Despite my own lack of experience, I realise most people above a certain age have gone beyond holding hands and kissing. I'm just searching for one of the few people who haven't done anything more than that. I'd very much like to have a relationship with someone at the same level as me, in this regard. It's really that simple.

Please make sure you really understand this part. You're welcome to ask, if you have any questions. If not, I'll assume you're on the same page as me, and we can go through this much later on.

I understand that people have had all kinds of different experiences, and have been in all kinds of different circumstances – some very good, some very bad. I'm in no position to judge anyone else. I'm just looking for someone like me, which is very hard to find these days.

In this day and age, I realise this is now a very rare preference. If I weren't like this, or if this wasn't important to me, things would be so much easier. I could just "go on Tinder", like people sometimes tell me to do.

AGE

Though I don't look it, I'm in my forties now. I've had time to achieve all kinds of things, sort myself out, grow up, and become someone who'll be a much better partner. You would definitely prefer me at this age, than who I was at half this age. Having said this, I'm probably older than you are, and maybe a lot older. That may be fine with you, or it may not. If you're significantly younger than me, you'll need to be very mature for your age.

You can be any age, except that I can't consider teenagers. Yes, they do contact me.

MY THOUGHTS ON PARTNERSHIP

Almost everyone I talk to asks to start out as friends. That's a very good approach. I'm not in a hurry, and a great relationship needs to be built upon friendship.

I'm not planning on getting married, but it's not impossible, if it's something a partner wants to do.

I don't intend to force a partner to be part of my life and my plans. I'm not looking for someone to mould. I want someone with her own perspectives and goals. I'm very happy for a partner to pursue a career, educate herself, or just spend her time pursuing what she's passionate about. That's what I do.

CONTACTING ME

Would you like to contact me?

Send me an email or a message. We'll correspond for a while, and decide whether we're enjoying each other's company. If we really click, I'll invite you to come and visit me in Adelaide. (I'll organise all this.) Adelaide is the capital of South Australia. It's a cultured, modern city of 1.3m, with temperatures ranging from 10° to 30°. It's ranked as one of the most liveable cities in the entire world. I live by myself, in an enormous and beautiful apartment. As I write this, it's a sunny day, and I can see across the gum trees of the Adelaide Park Lands.

Yes, this is probably a long way from where you are now, but there's a whole world out there, and living abroad can do wonders for people.

SAY HELLO

The number of women who have the same level of experience as me, is very small. If you're one of them, and you write me a thoughtful message, you'll have my attention. You're not competing against a horde of other women.

Yes, contacting me is probably outside your comfort zone, but I can't contact you.

You're welcome to create a new email account, start your contact anonymously, or contact me on behalf of someone else — whatever suits you.

This applies to everyone, but if you're looking for love, you need to actually take some kind of action. If you just wait for someone appropriate to float by, you might be waiting forever.

Some women tell me they took a long time to find the courage to contact me. I imagine there are many women who'd love to contact me, but never do. Unfortunately, a large number of women also contact me, and then get cold feet almost immediately. I go to reply to their message, but they delete it before I can. Or, I reply to a lovely email, but never get a reply. Around half the contacts I get are like this. This is very normal, and understandable. Please remember that if you change your mind too, that's perfectly okay. You're also very welcome to contact me again another time. I want to hear from you, and I really don't mind if it takes you a few attempts.

THE SEARCH

Yes, I am an entirely real person, and this is a completely genuine search for love. No, it's not some strange joke, social experiment, or sinister plot. I'm just a guy looking for a partner. As long as this site is here, I'm still looking. I'll very clearly update this page when I find someone, as many people are curious.

how the search is going

It's fair to say this search has taken far longer than I would've hoped for, or expected.

Before creating this site, I tried the usual: dating sites, and then agencies. These didn't help me find someone. So, eventually, I turned to the medium of the internet. I used my advertising and web design experience, to set up this site, and promote it with ads.

While I now have enormous reach with this site, this medium comes with significant obstacles.

The internet is full of scams, and everything that isn't a scam is trying to sell you something. People tend to be surprised to find that this site is just a guy looking for a partner. And, if a woman is interested, does she feel comfortable contacting me, especially via the internet?

Initially, I tried to do this site anonymously, but that generated very limited response. Later versions were either not clear enough about what I was looking for, or put people off by being tactless. Response is overwhelmingly (though not completely) positive now, but that didn't used to be the case.

It's very difficult to convey who I am, via this medium. I can't interact with a visitor, and nor can they see me in a real conversation or situation. In real life, I'm very outgoing and personable, and I engage well with new people. Here, I'm limited to using text, and a video. A video is a performance, which is hard to make look natural. In real life, I'm running things, working with people, entertaining people, and engaging with them. I can't do this here. This site is the best I can do, and I'm always trying to improve it. I just have to hope that a woman can put the pieces together, and contact me, to learn more.

Women most certainly do contact me, but it's not many. I've done the numbers, and there are plenty of women who match what I'm looking for — far more than the number who contact me. These factors are keeping most of them away.

I also expect a very large factor is that many women who see this profile decide that they don't like who I am. They don't like the way I look, or talk, or my interests, or my outlook. That's fair enough.

Many women will also not want to come to Australia. That's also entirely reasonable, regardless of what it's like here.

Despite all this, I've had some hits very close to the middle of the target, over time. These were women I met, where almost everything worked out. We spent time getting to know each other as friends, but we weren't quite right for each other. It's only a matter of time before one of these meetings is successful.

THE END

Thanks for reading my site. I hope you've found my search to be interesting.

If you think you might be interested in contacting me, you can do so below.

If you'd like to know more about me first, please click here, to visit my personal bio. You can also contact me at the end of that site.

If you're just a visitor, please feel free to leave a message on the guestbook below. If you know someone appropriate, please contact me, or send this site to them. If you know a place where someone appropriate might be, please share this site to that place.